


Even When The Universe Says

by Glockenspielplayedbyanemu



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, I'm Sorry, It Gets Better, Jim needs a hug, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 10:39:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12604732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glockenspielplayedbyanemu/pseuds/Glockenspielplayedbyanemu
Summary: Jim didn't get his soulmark at ten. He grew up knowing no one could ever love him.





	Even When The Universe Says

Jim stared at his arm, he was ten, it was supposed to come now. All day and all night he stared at his arm. Still, the skin didn't change color at all. At midnight he realized he was truly unlovable. Frank had said he was, but he held out for hope. This was it, he would never fall in love. That night he cried into his pillow and the next day he punched Frank in the face. Frank had sneered and said, "Just 'cause no one'll ever love you doesn't mean you get to punch me, brat!" The words had hurt more than the following beating. Jim hadn't even gone to the hospital for the broken arm, just stared at the stars with tears in his eyes.  
\--

Kodos had called the meeting. it was strange that only certain people were asked to come. They had to get their name checked off to be allowed in. Jim frowned as he walked in, the town square was kind of closed off. The usual peace officers were starfleet officers, but now there were civilians. They all wore red bandanas, it reminded Jim of the bandits he read about. Jim heard the words, they were ingrained in him, but he didn't register them until it was all over. "You are chosen to sacrifice yourself in order to save the colony. You are not worthy enough to make it, thank you for the sacrifice." Later Jim broke into Kodos' mansion to steal some food for the then ten kids under his care, only seven of those kids would survive. Losing three was three too many. Kodos had laughed as Jim pointed the stolen phaser at him, laughed and said, "It doesn't matter Jimmy. I didn't choose you, the universe did. No one to love you, such a shame. If only someone wanted you, then you'd have survived." Jim had got the wooden support beam and ran. Jim had those words memorised too.   
\--

Pike was still droning on and on. "And a lot of people meet their soulmate in Starfleet." Pike glanced down at Jim's arm which was covered by his jacket. Jim just rolled his eyes. He wouldn't be one.   
\--

"OOOh, look. It's George Kirk's boy. Poor George, if only he knew his son would grow up with nobody to love him. The whore probably just used pity to get here, not like he's got any brains anyways." That time Jim didn't punch Finnegan, Bones did. Jim had scoffed and told Bones to never do that again, Bones was a doctor he wasn't supposed to do harm.  
\--

Jim was doing some astrophysics, leaning against the tree when he'd overheard it. He recognized that Cadet Tress was talking to two others he didn't know. Her shrill voice broke through his conversation, "You haven't heard? He only does it to cover up the heartbreak. Poor guy's heart doesn't work right."  
Jim frowned, listening further as another voice chipped in. "Oh yeah, I don't know. He's a real jerk, I don't think he deserves one. I mean, have you seen the way he flirts?"  
The third voice spoke up now, "Seriously, guys? Give him a break. He helped me out once when I was lost, was a perfect gentleman. I think it's kind of sad. He'll never get the chance to be truly loved."  
Kirk froze. He screwed his eyes shut and hoped they weren't about to say Jim or Kirk. Please, please, please. Tress cut in, "No way. He's an ass. Kirk deserves what the universe allotted him. I mean how messed up can you be to not get a soulmate? Starfleet shouldn't have let him in. If you ask me, he's dangerous."  
There was a strange buzzing in his ears now, the world seemed to go a little fuzzy, and Jim's legs didn't want to work. He got up slowly and walked away quickly with his head down. Not even the 1970's classic rock could make this one go away.  
\--

He was exhausted, but now wasn't the time to stop, there was no time to stop. He was the acting Captain and Nero was after Terran. So Jim took a breath and headed to check on engineering. He had to get off the bridge, forget that he was captain for just one second. He'd already failed. Already lost too many. Technically it hadn't been when he was acting captain, but that doesn't register to him. He counted each loss on and around the Enterprise as his fault. He should have done better. It was just bad luck he'd heard this time, just bad luck.  
"I don't know about Kirk. Don't you think he'll grow all cynical and lose the love he has for his crew once it hits him that no one will love him?"  
Kirk ran, he ducked around a corner and walked in any direction. As long as he wasn't here. He had to push it all down, get through it. He had a crew, a world to think about. They had a plan, it was going to work and Kirk would be okay and they would all be okay.   
\--

There was a lot to do once Terran was safe. Starfleet needed to debrief everyone and Jim was technically still on academic probation. Bones had threatened life and limb if Jim didn't sleep for at least ten hours straight. By the time he finally reached his apartment without having to dash in and dash back out or think about what he had to do, it was two weeks later. Starfleet had assigned him the place, it was larger than Jim anticipated, but now he was a captain and a hero, so he got special status. All Jim wanted to do was collapse on his bed and make waffles when he eventually woke back up. He pushed himself off the wall of the lift when it finally stopped on his floor and turned to the right. His eyes were on the floor most of the way, his 'fleet jacket dragging behind him.  
"James, it is improper to carry the Starfleet uniform in such a manner."  
"Huh?" Jim looked up to find an annoyingly perfect Spock standing in front of his door.  
"Do I need to call Dr. McCoy to get your hearing checked?"  
"No, no. Don't do that. Why are you here?" Jim yawned and reached for his door knob, which wasn't where he expected. With a frown he looked around and moved his arm to the right.  
"I have something important to discuss with you."  
"I've done all the 'fleet stuff. I'm good."  
"It does not pertain to Starfleet."  
"MMMMM." Jim paused a moment before remembering the last number to unlock his door. "C'me in." His jacket was dropped upon walking in and he plopped himself down on the couch immediately. He grinned sleepily at the sight of Spock picking up his uniform jacket and hanging it neatly on the coat rack.   
"James, if you are too tired this conversation can wait."  
"How much do I need to think?"  
"I am uncertain."  
"That's new."  
"Indeed."  
"Sit down, Spock. You look like a very uncomfortable Spock."  
"Indeed." Spock looked around and pulled out a kitchen chair to sit in. He clasped his hands in his lap and sat up straighter than the chair. "There are many cultural differences between the Vulcan and Human kind. Several stand out more than others, but there is only one I came here to address."  
"I offended you, didn't I? I'm really sorry about the whole emotional compromise thing, Spock. Seriously. Anything else I did I apologize for too."  
Spock nodded, "That is very kind of you, James. However, you have not offended me. Your actions were logical in their own nature and it is not the Vulcan way to hold grudges. I speak about soulmates."  
Jim groaned, "Not you too. Please, Spock. I've heard it all. Can I just sleep?"  
"I believe you misunderstand me, James. I am certain you have never heard what I am about to say." Spock paused and Jim breathed sharply. "Vulcans, being tough telepaths, identify their soulmate with a touch. You are mine."  
Jim froze. He really hadn't heard it all. He flung his legs around and was soon sitting as straight as Spock, "Spock," Jim's voice was low and angry, "If this is some sort of twisted joke, I swear. I don't have a soulmate. I have no mark."  
"This is no joke, James. You and I are destined."  
Jim jumped up all of a sudden and began to pace to the kitchen and then back to his couch. "I don't have a soulmate, Spock. This isn't possible. The universe gave me this fate and I've lived with it."  
There was silence as Jim continued to pace. It was several minutes before Spock stood back up. "James. It is hard to fully comprehend. I assure you, this is the truth. My mother did not have a soulmark either. Sarek identified her when she offered him a ride after his car broke."  
A head snapped to look at Spock, feet stopped, and Jim swallowed. His hands began to move, twisting and turning in confusion. "I- I don't- but, Spock- it's just that- I."  
"James." Spock stood slowly and approached Jim like one would a scared animal. "This is not a lie, not a joke. I did not tell you when I knew because we were in a crisis and you had just accused me of not grieving for my mother. However, I watched you closely once I knew. You are a commendable man. You did everything you could for a crew not truly yours. You care for people with a passion that astounds me. You hide an intelligence that I have only gotten a peak at. I am not false in saying that I wish to get to know you better."  
Jim shook his head, and whispered, "You won't love me. No one can love me, I'm too broken. I was never whole to begin with."  
Spock wasn't sure when he put his arms around Jim, they seemed to gain a will of their own, but he knew it was the right thing to do. As he held Jim his mind sang and he knew Jim was the one. His soulmate. He held him as Jim cried and eventually he inched over to the couch so Jim could sit as he cried.   
"Whoever has told you that your are unlovable is wrong. I will spend every day showing you, every second you will know that you can be loved."  
\--

Jim still made waffles, he just made a couple more since Spock was there when he woke up. He'd been lying atop Spock on the couch, face tear streaked and he had immediately fallen into awkward joke cracking Jim mode. Though it had gotten worse when Spock had watched him make waffles. That was disconcerting. The Vulcan who had stranded him on an ice planet and then tried to kill him had just held him all night long and was now watching him make waffles. Jim led a strange life.   
He chewed his waffles slowly, not bothering to cut them at all. Spock, on the other hand, was quite exact in his waffle eating. Each waffle was cut along the square lines. He disregarded the syrup for blueberries and only blueberries. It was odd to watch as Spock deposited a single blueberry onto each of his little waffle squares with care. When Spock looked up at Jim, Jim dropped the waffle and cut it in half. Hastily he wiped the syrup off his chin with his arm.  
"Soooo... Spock."  
"Yes, James?"  
"Call me Jim."  
"Yes, Jim."  
Jim rubbed his syrupy arm and stared at his waffles, "What now?"  
"Please be more specific."  
"Us."  
"I assume you mean that you are curious as to what we will do now to expand upon our personal relationship."  
There was a slow answering nod as Jim cut his waffle again and took a bite.  
"I believe it is traditional for humans to go on dates in order to learn more about their mate."  
"Cool, cool. So, like? You don't hate me?"  
"No, Jim. I would never."  
"Right, Vulcan. Illogical."  
"While that is true, it is not the sole reason. I could not hate you, Vulcan or not."  
Jim stuffed his face with more waffle. There was silence as Spock ate four squares of waffle each with a blueberry atop. This time it was Jim who said something vaguely coherent, "Well, Bones is forcing me to take three days of leave. Says I'm stressed or something. I was planning on going camping in Yosemite. You could, come with?"  
"That sounds satisfactory."  
\--

A day later Jim was setting up a tent in Yosemite while Spock investigated their site.  
"Jim, have you planned any activities?"  
"Huh? No. I mean we'd hike and roast stuff and do camping things. Fire is fun."  
"Indeed. I will set up the fires."  
Jim laughed turning to smile at Spock, "Don't trust me?"  
"Certain statements have raised concerns."  
"Tent's set up."  
"You pressed a button to do so, do not sound so proud."  
"Hey! This is my greatest accomplishment and I'll have you know that I can set up all sorts of old fashioned tents."  
"Indeed."  
Jim huffed and tossed their duffels into the tent. "The first thing to do after setting up the campsite is to find the tallest thing nearby and climb it."  
"Is this a Terran tradition?"  
"A mandatory one, race you!" Jim set off, veering towards one particular tree and jumping to grab the first branch. He pulled himself up with ease and quickly set about to get higher. Spock didn't need to jump to reach the first branch and felt it would not hold him anyways. Vulcans do have denser bones than Terrans and Spock had to assess each branch as he climbed. The fact that he couldn't go as high as Jim made Jim smile and crow in victory. Spock was content to balance on his branch below Jim and listen as Jim rambled.  
"I love camping, Spock. This is the absolute best. Just you and nature, no duties and no cares. You get to climb anything you want without anyone yelling at you. Except for when you go camping with Bones. He was always nagging me to not hang upside down on a tree branch or free climb the cliff. He absolutely flipped when I jumped off the waterfall. Usually, though, you're free and that's nice. Then there's the stars at night. They seem to wave and grin at you as you gaze up at them. I'd always stargaze as a kid. I had memorized all the different constellations from several old Terran cultures. Ursa major, Hercules, and the lot of them. Always knew I'd chase the stars down one day. At the academy I would look up at the stars every chance I got. It was a sort of promise then, a promise that they'd be there for when I got my chance."  
"Did you not go in space before then?"  
"Once, just once, other than when I was born in space. That time wasn't exactly what I expected, it doesn't count. Now, the stars are different. I don't know how, but they are. They've changed a lot as I've grown up. I guess they'll keep changing." Jim paused for a bit and shrugged, "I used to have this awesome handmade air bike. I gave it away when I joined up since I had nowhere to store it. Would ride the beauty everywhere. Had to pay extra when I went off continent, but she was so worth it. Perfect balance, brilliant speed, and stunning to look at. I could ride that bike all day long, listening to some old rock and just thinking of nothing. Pure magic is what she was. Too bad I had to give her up. Maybe I'll build a new one. Each time we're grounded on Terran I can keep adding to it, till I've got a new one. I'd ride her down the coast, trying to keep the ocean in sight at all times. There this sort of fascination Terran's have with the ocean. So much literature revolves around it. Some great classics, especially. Old Man and the Sea, Moby Dick, Life of Pi, and I could go on and on. I've got a collection. Used to be bigger, but Frank would sell my dad's books off for alcohol. I saved as many as I could and have since bought antiques as I could. They're tucked away in this storage unit now. Hidden in a box under a giant teddy bear. Do you know how teddy bear's got their name?"  
"No."  
"From Theodore Roosevelt, a president of the United States of America. He liked to hunt bears and people called him Teddy, so the stuffed bear companies used that to make more sales. Sort of like how Jellybelly, and old jellybean company used president Reagan's love of jellybeans to increase sales."  
"Intriguing."  
"Yeah. Not as cool as space, but still cool."  
"Indeed. Perhaps we should go down and eat lunch?"  
"Okay."  
\--

"Hey, Spock?" Jim whispered.  
"Yes, Jim?" Spock replied, not whispering.  
"You awake?" Still, Jim, whispered.  
"Yes, Jim." Still, Spock did not whisper.  
"Me too."  
"I know, Jim. Now go to sleep."  
\--

They returned to San Francisco after three days in Yosemite. Jim didn't get sunburnt since Spock nagged him the entire time, carrying an endless supply for Jim. Spock found he like Jim's beanie more than his own, it was softer and a nice blue color. He casually stashed it away to keep. Spock also found that Jim really did like to climb everything and was ridiculously good at hiding. Jim discovered Spock's special brand of humour and found much delight in every joke Spock made. His laughter prompted further jokes to be made. Jim was better at making s'mores and would not tell Spock the secrets to getting a perfectly golden marshmallow. Both went back to work almost immediately. Comms full of messages and PADDS with assignments. They had to take up teaching classes and Jim was scheduled to travel to do some recruitment.   
Through it all Jim remembered the three days, perfect days. Even if he only really let himself see Spock as a friend, even if he was waiting for Spock to tell him he had made a mistake.  
"Jim," Spock announced his presence.   
Jim looked up from his PADD, "Hey, Spock. Joining me for lunch?"  
"That would be satisfactory."  
"I haven't seen you in two days. How've you been."  
"My health is good and you?"  
Jim grinned, "Me too. I even get to choose where I go to recruit."  
"That is polite of Starfleet brass."  
"Yeah, I kind of want to stay on Terran. Stay close to my ship and all that. Though I might just pop over to Mars or the Neptune station."  
"They would be a shorter trip than other choices."  
"Exactly. You picked up any fun classes?"  
"I am teaching most of the computer programming classes along with my original xenolinguistics."  
"Cool. I think I've taken on all the tactical classes along with manning the simulations."   
Spock's PADD dinged and he looked down, "I must leave, Jim. However, I would be amenable to attending dinner with you if that is satisfactory?"  
"Sounds good, Spock. Send me a time, I'm free after 07:00."  
"Understood."  
\--

He was on Mars, next would be the Neptune station then back to Earth. They crammed it all into a weekend and a Friday. Jim hadn't slept for more than two hours in the past two days. Bones was going to kill someone when Jim got back or just hypo them till they're as swollen as an air balloon and totally paralyzed. Either option is bad. His head was resting on a wall as he waited to talk to some Martian high school before transporting over to the Neptune station. Starfleet got Scotty's new transporter algorithm in everything immediately to improve efficiency. It probably made all this better and worse for Jim. Less time sleeping, but also less time on this recruitment mission. He blinked as he looked down on his PADD, the news was no longer featuring the Narada disaster as head news constantly. But this particular feature Jim was looking at was just exploitive, his stomach sank.  
'Jim Kirk; Hero of Earth is Lost for Love'  
'Starfleet's young hero has a tragic backstory. Son to the famous George Kirk who was also a Starfleet hero never received his soulmark. Several sources tell us that the young Kirk is destined to live a life lacking love. Such a tragedy, truly. Jim Kirk is quite dashing and the whole hero part doesn't hurt. While ladies, gentlemen, and all others may be lining up for some short flings, he'll never get anything deeper. A few people have expressed their concerns over whether Jim could really be the hero-"  
"Kirk!" The manager snapped, grabbing his attention and motioning the a door. He had recruiting to do. He couldn't think about this now, couldn't think about this ever.  
\--

Jim was once again exhausted, ready to sleep for a week. He had classes to teach still and simulations to run that night, though. So he could just grab some coffee and get moving. He was rubbing his eye when he spotted Spock. Cursing internally he wavered considering whether or not to approach. The super Vulcan eyes noticed him before he could flee, though, so he just walked closer.   
"Jim, how was your trip?"  
"Ugh. I'm so tired. Can't wait to crash tonight."  
"I could step in a few of your classes if you wish to rest."  
"Nah, Spock, thanks though. I uh- I gotta cover those myself. What are you doing here?"  
"I am meeting you. We had arranged this before you left."  
"Oh, right," Jim's eyes widened, they had. "I totally forgot. Just a super crammed weekend."  
"Indeed. Are you sure you wish to teach classes today? You do not appear to be functioning optimally."  
"Oh yeah, I'm sure. I'm fine, perfect, satisfactory, and other synonyms of good."  
"Are you certain."  
"I'm good Spock," Jim rushed, he just wanted to get to class. They were so close to the academy, so close.   
Spock nodded as he continued to walk by Jim's side. Silence permeated between the two, filling the space with a stickiness the neither particularly liked.  
\--

That night, Jim dragged his uniform jacket down the hall to his apartment. Looking up to make sure he was going to right way, he saw Spock.  
"Hey, Spock."  
"Jim." Spock nodded and opened the door for Jim. "You have some commendable security on your apartment. It took me 12.4 minutes to discover the code."  
"You broke in?"  
"It was logical to open the door for you, since you have not had sufficient rest of late."  
"Hmmm." Jim handed Spock his jacket this time, walking straight to his room to collapse face first on the bed.  
Spock followed, just like before. "Jim. I do not believe you are fine as you said."  
"Just need sleep."  
"You are less comfortable around me than before. Something has happened to negatively impact our newly formed personal relationship. Studies show that open communication is the best way to sort out any conflicts."  
"No conflicts, Spock. You're off the hook."  
"I do not understand."  
Jim rolled over and imitated a starfish, though his groan was not quite accurate to the part. "Can I sleep, Spock."  
"Jim, if problems are sorted out quickly less damage occurs."  
"We aren't a starship, Spock. Sometimes logic doesn't apply. It was just a dumb article. Can I sleep now?"  
"I still do not understand. Though I am not preventing you from sleeping."  
Kicking his shoes off, Jim walked to his closet to pull out sweats for pajamas. He shed his clothes and pulled on the sweats before jumping back into bed. "You just going to stand and stare, Spock?"  
"May I stay?"  
"I don't care. Third drawer down is for pajamas."  
Spock nodded and walked over to grab a pair, He folded not only his clothes, but Jim's before lying down in the bed. "What did the article say?"  
"Stupid stuff."  
"Please be more specific."  
"Don't worry, Spock. I've heard it all my life. I'm just tired." Jim soon found himself enveloped by Spock and fought the urge to snuggle in, he was ridiculously warm. Spock tangled their legs together and ordered the lights off.  
"One day Jim, you will understand. I will make sure of that."  
\--

Jim woke up still hugged by Spock. He was warm and content, still sleepy enough to snuggle into Spock without hesitation.  
"Good morning, Jim. We must get up in order to arrive to our classes on time."  
Jim groaned, "No."  
"Jim, I will make breakfast, you will get up." And Spock rolled away, impervious to Jim's protests. Jim didn't get up till he heard Spock shower and start breakfast. It was really the smell of coffee that convinced him. He shuffled out to find Spock wrapping two burritos.  
"I see you have not made any attempts to awake."  
Jim shook his head as he poured a cup of coffee. "Food?"  
"I have made burritos consisting of beans, bell peppers, potatoes, and guacamole."  
"Mmmm."   
"I have also read the article you referred to."  
Jim froze, eyes wide as he held the coffee cup to his lips. He was about to sit down for breakfast, but now he just stared at Spock.  
Spock continued to talk, "I have found several grammatical mistakes and would not trust a word the article said. It is not a reliable source for anything. Furthermore, anyone who has similar viewpoints are wrong. The only thing they got right was that you are a hero, a son to George Kirk, and quite dashing." Spock took a sip from his tea as if to emphasize his point. Jim slowly sat down and put his coffee down. He took a few bites from his burrito, still staring at Spock.   
"Wait, so... you think I'm dashing?"   
Spock's eyes smiled, "Quite."  
"Okay, that's good. I do too. Think I'm dashing, that is. Though you're not too bad either."  
\--

"Do you play chess?" Jim asked, looking at the tri-dimensional chess board Spock had on his coffee table. Jim and Spock had dinner at Spock's place that night. Spock, being the rich ambassador's kid he was, owned his very own super modern townhouse within walking distance of Starfleet Headquarters.   
"Yes, do you?"  
"Oho." Jim grinned, "I'm going to destroy you."  
The board was set up quickly and Jim decided to just sit on the coffee table as Spock took the more practical choice of the coach.   
Spock watched as Jim moved his rook, waiting for his turn before speaking, "Jim."  
"That would be my name."  
"Would you tell me why you are so insistent that I could never love you?"  
Jim stopped and looked at Spock, Spock had identified this as Jim's panic tell. An easy indicator of whether your Jim is panicked. "Well, it's just. I never got the mark and you know, kids are mean. So things were said and I guess they stuck."  
"That is not the full story. You are a very strong willed individual. You do not give much credence to other's opinions of you. I do not believe this was much different when you were a child."  
"You're right, it isn't the full story. What's your opinions on pickles."  
"Pickles are not a satisfactory subject change. If you do not wish to speak of it, you need only say so."  
"I've never met someone with no opinion on pickles, Spock. Fess up, what do you think?"  
"They are not an awful source of nutrition."  
"Yeah. I agree. I like sweet pickles best."  
Jim didn't destroy Spock, but he won once. Spock won the other two.   
"You should stay the night, you are already not getting enough sleep. To add to this loss would be illogical."  
"Okay," Jim shrugged, "You got any pajamas for me?"  
Spock nodded once and led the way upstairs to his room. Jim even got his very own toothbrush, which Jim found suspicious. Like Spock had stocked up on stuff in preparation for Jim staying over.   
"You need new toothpaste." Jim stated, rinsing his toothbrush.  
"There is an adequate amount for several more days."  
"I don't like the taste."  
"Ah, I will purchase another kind."  
"Thanks. Did you color coordinate these on purpose?" His toothbrush was gold and Spock was holding a blue one.   
"It is logical to separate the two."  
With a snort Jim left the bathroom and flopped onto Spock's bed. "Your a dork!"   
Spock stood in the doorway with one eyebrow raised and ducked smoothly away from the flying pillow. "Move over Jim. You are not a starfish."  
"Aww. But it's my life goal."  
"You will be severely disappointed, though I will not."  
"Don't let anyone say you aren't romantic Spock. You say the cutest things."  
"Vulcans are not cute, Jim." Spock informed him   
"You are, very cute. Especially when your eyebrow travels to your forehead."  
"My eyebrows are always on my forehead, they can not travel there."  
"See? Cute." With a roll Jim rested his head on Spock's shoulder and slung his arm over him. "'Night Spock."  
"Goodnight Jim."  
\--

"Oh shut it Bones. I know you're happy for me and very willing to kill Spock if he makes me cry."  
"I had to go to space Jim. Now I'll have to serve under two gushy lovebirds. Ugh, Jim. Space was bad enough," Bones whined as Jim packed a bag.  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. This whole thing is crap, but Spock is nice and funny and super cuddly."  
"Cuddly? Spock? Have you sustained head trauma?"  
"No, he likes to be the big spoon. I think it stems from the pre-Surakian possessive tendencies of Vulcans."  
"Too much information, Jimbo. It will cut your vocal chords if you continue this."  
Jim rolled his eyes, "You said you wanted to know. As my best friend."  
"Yes, you could have just stopped at Spock being your soul mate and left me happy in my lack of knowledge."  
"You? Happy? I doubt it."  
"That's entirely your fault. A total pain in my ass. I didn't become a doctor for this shit."  
"You didn't become a doctor with me in mind? How dare!"  
"You are happy, right Jimmy?"  
"Yeah, Bones, as happy as I'll get."  
"Listen to me Jim. I'm serious. Just tell Spock why you have reservations. If he doesn't tell you how idiotic you are, then I'll shove him out an airlock."  
\--

"Jim." Spock stepped aside to let Jim in.  
"I brought clothes this time, figured if you had the color coordinated toothbrushes, I might as well bring fresh clothes to change into."  
"Logical."  
"Thanks. By the way, Bones might be coming your way to threaten you. Just roll with it, human traditions."  
"Understood."  
"I'll tell Uhura to threaten me for you."  
"I do not want you to be threatened."  
"Yeah, well see that's the thing, we don't get to decide. Our friends just do it as a show of support."  
"Fascinating."  
"Totally. It does kind of give you a warm fuzzy feeling."  
"You indicated we would be watching a movie."  
"Oh yeah. Why are we at your place, again?"  
"It is bigger and I have more food."  
"Both good points. I've picked a classic, Young Frankenstein. It's the best version of Frankenstein to ever exist."  
"I have heard of the story of Doctor Frankenstein and his monster. Though it has very little basis in actual science."  
"That's not the point." Jim grabbed a bowl, some popcorn kernels, and the popcorn machine. "It's about how sometimes science is too much and there are certain things we shouldn't be able to do."  
"Could the same idea be presented with a sound science?"  
"Grab the pretzels and yes it probably has been. However, Shelley wrote this at the beginning of the industrial revolution, so scientific knowledge was limited. It was also supposed to be a ghost story, I'm sure she wasn't aiming for scientific accuracy."  
The popcorn was done quickly and Jim hurried over to start the movie. Spock found the movie watching experience to be quite logical. He and Jim were snuggled together, Jim would keep laughing and he was especially exquisite then, and popcorn was not the worst snack. The only thing was that Spock was entranced by Jim eating the popcorn. Immediately following the werewolves joke Spock moved his nose to brush against Jim's, their foreheads touched as Spock waited for Jim to pull away.  
"Hey, Spock."  
"Hello, Jim."  
Jim grinned and kissed him. It was a slow kiss, nothing earth-shattering, until Jim ran his tongue over Spock's lip. Spock gasped and Jim pushed forward.  
"Do you like this movie Spock?"  
"Yes."  
"Seems to be that you're distracted."  
"You are rather attractive in that blue sweater."   
"I'm glad you think so. Now shut up and watch this cinematic masterpiece."  
"I am not cert-" Jim decided kissing Spock would shut him up best and his hypothesis proved to be very true.   
"If I kiss you the rest of the movie will you keep quiet?"  
"Yes, Jim."  
Jim grinned and grabbed Spock's hand, pressing his pointer and middle fingers to Spock's. Spock was quiet for the rest of the movie.   
\--

"Shh, Ashayam. It is okay. You are safe. Ashayam, wake up."   
Jim shot up, blankets pooling at his waist and he shook. "Spock?"  
"I am here."  
With a sigh Jim collapsed down into the bed and rolled to face Spock, "Can you keep a secret?"  
"Yes, Ashayam."  
"I was on Tarsus IV," Jim whispered into Spock's shoulder. If he didn't have super Vulcan hearing he might not have heard, but he did and he held Jim tight. "I was chosen to die. We were called to the town square. So many people seen as lesser. We could have all survived. There was enough food for everyone. When I realized what was happening I gathered a group of kids near me and told them to run on my count. I threw a rock at one of the guards and shouted 'They're going to kill us' to get chaos started. The kids and I ran. Eleven of us made it to the forest, we kept running. Hid in this cave system. Problem was that none of us had any food. We had been on rations for a few days at that point and didn't have anything with us. We scavenged the forest for a few days till I decided it would be less risky outside our new home. I went alone into town the first time and got some food from the school teacher. He was really nice. They still had food at that point. He starved to death. I continued up with that pattern. Go to town, find a sympathizer and get food, when we ran out we would scavenge, and then repeat. Eventually I couldn't ask them for food anymore and Kodos' men had already hit me twice. So I went to Kodos himself when we next ran out. I had lost three kids at that point. Tommy was the first to go, he was the youngest, I had carried him out of the square. Then was Ruth, she was always so happy, even at the end. Even her crazy hair seemed happy and her freckles would dance. She had gotten sick and we couldn't get the right stuff to help her. T was the third. T was brilliant, they could have done something amazing. Probably would be in Starfleet right now. Wore these ridiculous overalls all the time and stored little bits and bobs in the pockets. T always had what you needed, up till then. Even when I cut back on my food to give T more, I couldn't save them. Three was too many, too many. Too many died. Way too many. Kodos didn't care. I broke into his mansion and stole every item of food I could carry. It was a lot, but he caught me during my exit. Told me why I'd been put on the list. Said the universe made the choice not him. It was the universe that dictated no one would want me, that I'd be alone and forsaken. I shot a support beam with a stolen phaser and fled. Starfleet came one month later. My eight kids and I were so close to not making it. We'd heard about the riots and the fire and decided it wasn't worth the effort to leave the caves. The Starfleet officers knew where we were and then we were off the that planet."  
"You are not guilty for the massacre on Tarsus IV. You saved eight, Jim and you didn't forsake your morals in times of tragedy. It will be okay. I will never leave you and I will always love you."  
"You're going to have to remind me, Spock. I was told no one would love me every day after I turned ten and most days before that. The words actually made the beatings easier to handle."  
"Who did that?"  
"My step-father."  
"Your mother did not stop it?"  
Jim shook his head, "I was too much trouble for her. I looked too much like my dad."  
"That is unacceptable."  
"You'll forgive me when I'm unsure of us?"  
"There is nothing to forgive. I will only remind you how cherished you are."  
"You, Spock, are better than space."

fin

**Author's Note:**

> They live happily ever after and get married. It's all very happy, as they deserve.


End file.
